She Cums and Goes With the Whether
The Scarecrow, Tin Man, and the Cowboy wash ashore seeking the wicked Witch of the East while on the hunt for the last sperm whale in Lakes of Sex. Sleep is afraid of my eyes. It is five-thirty two in the evening, and I have just walked through three inches of unexpected snow to crawl into work, hiding in the corner by Sherrie “It is all about me” the Satanist. The day people sneak out into the cold, as we settle into the warm office for the next eight hours. Just when I thought that I was going to be sitting across the groundhog wall from Wayne the gay Teddy Bear who owns 2 Great Danes and is going home to the Chicago area to visit his family for the holidays, he packs up and goes home. I am hiding from the Amazon Fag Hag who has decided to have a party and invited everyone but me. She is so very juvenile. I must remember not to piss off the 20-year-old insecure fat girls in the office or I will not be invited to their pajama parties!
LaFawn, the 375# African-American supervisor waddles over from behind her desk to check everyone out with in their cubicles like a sheriff checking the locks on cells in the jail. We hear the metal door slam behind us for the next duration of our sentence. Like a Polaroid pinned to the wall with a piece of bubble gum, I have your picture plastered up on my monitor, along with some blue lightbulbs, red Xmas lights, and a cat named Felix that crawls over my email and crawls through boxes on the screen. LaFawn makes note of my roadmap eyes, and I explain to her that I am entering a contest to see if I can get the highways between Missouri and Omaha etched out in my eyes.
The telephone rings and some local yokel wants to set up a new account. I call the automated system to verify his address with the VISA, call Directory Assistance to check his telephone number, and create the numbers on our system, run the sale, and then call him back with his new account numbers. It takes about fifteen minutes, and then I return to you and the room conversation. Amazon Woman is talking about how she has said things in the office that has not offended people and she is shocked. I think to myself- Wow, what an insecure little girl. Now, she is going off on the Fetish party that they all attended, the other night. I am so impressed with all of the starfucking with each other that is going on in this little town.
I am feeling sorry for Brian who is stuck next to the loudassed Amazon. Sadly, I am just as trapped with the Satanist screaming back and forth with the Amazon, next to me. I was telling him, on the walk to work, about having a bad case of roadfever, these days, and a large part of it comes from the need to get out of the boundaries that I have created around me. I have not been out of this mile square area in a long time, and I think that I am beginning to bug out as an outcome.
Quiet, except for the tapping fingers along keyboards, we will soon begin the nightly ritual of figuring out where we will be eating for the evening. As I am typing this portion, another Lonely Heart calls in to open a new account. I oblige him like the last one. It is three days before the Superbowl of family parties and these people are working the telephone for a date, an open-minded conversation, and phone sex.
“All I want for Christmas is my own block of time, my own block of time, my own block of time,” he sings.
In a way, I feel sorry for the people that will be working the telephone lines for the next couple of days. Maybe it will be different from what I have imagine, ideas that I generated through my first two years of America Online Turkey Dinner 4.0 served up on a hand-me-down plate. So far, I have been quite capable of ignoring the fact that there is merriment and celebration going on around me. Tonight, we make jokes about the lunar phenomenon on solstice hysteria. Rumor has it that it will be so bright that headlights will be unnecessary. I will believe it when I see it. After two hours and a few moments, it is getting to be time for a run to the Little Cowpoke’s Room and out onto the balcony for a cigarette.
Returning from the balcony, I find that we have found some place to eat for the evening- Niccolo’s Italian Take-out and Delivery. I will order a stuffed pizza with mushrooms and pepperoni in it, and a cannoli, spending too much money for food, considering that I am searching for an airline ticket to visit my new princess who lives in the Big Apple. Sitting back for a moment, and thinking under the fluorescent lights, I realize that I have another half of my mind that seems to be thinking in another place, feeling like it lives in another time. I will keep my opinions about this time of the year to myself. We are waiting for our food to arrive, and are quiet for the moment. Of course, I decide to go look for some jailbait and some dragqueens on the Minneapolis system. I boot off a couple people just out of spite.
“I am the GOD of your city, tonight, Pal!”
The phone rings, and it is someone in Salt Lake City that hangs up on me before I can get their telephone number. Then, a little girl calls to see if we got her FAX, yet. She cums and goes with the whether.
